I hold it true

There is really much going on inside my head right now.
And I'm not sure of how I feel about different stuff.
But this post is not for you, it's more for me. This is how I get a clear head,
and when I finish, i change it and deside if I'm going to post it or not.



As few of you know, I have a new love in my life. And I havnt really introduced him, for many reasons, but I think youre ready. Martin is the guy that puts a smile on my face and happiness in me. I have never felt this calm, peaceful or inlove. My feelings for Martin is beyond what I thought I ever could feel, so at first this was scary to me but now I've embraced it and allowed myself to feel this happy. He also has a blogg in which he mentions that to evolve and always work at improvement makes him happy, and I think that's one of the reasons we work so good together, that we share that point. One of the reasons, I keep finding more and more.

I want to share something else with you, Beccs. Beccs is my best friend, she gets me and I get her. We have a really good bond and theres nothing I can't say to her, this is the first time I've had a friend I can do that with, so she's very special to me. When I first met her I saw her as a rival, a competition, but that changed fast, and we became very close. We had much in commen, we both had boyfriends we had been with for more than two years, we felt the same, we had the same views, it felt great.
Lord knows I didnt have it easy with my x, but we managed to create a world that looked good, a false one but still, afraid of seeing what's really there made the false world so much better. We didnt trust each other so we needed to control the other one, by always seeing one and another, and always keeping track on what we did. Beccs had it like this also, but in their own way, so that connected us also.
Then came the trip. The trip to Polen with the Law and order class and everything changed.
I broke up with my x the same day I came back and Beccs fallowed my footsteps 2-3 weeks later. Now comes the good part.
Both her and me are feeling this new emotions, this new love and we are so much happier that we feel unbeatable. We talk much about our emotions, why we feel what we feel, and we analyze alot, we share.
We both agreed today that we leard from our mistakes and that we have come a long way.
We have both scars from our past relationship, thing that we just assum that's how it is, because we are used to it, unavoidable. A couple of hours ago she sent me a sms were she was so astonish over the fact of how he was, that he cared, he trusted and showed love.
Today, when I sat with my knight, doing absolutly nothing, watching some lame TV-show, I looked at him, just astonished, thinking to myself "God, I can't belive he's with me. That this humanbeeing is capable of makeing me this happy, just by sitting next to me."
I smiled so big, knowing I werent going to tell him what was going thru my mind that very second.


I didnt get the clearest of all heads, but still. This helped.
And I posted it.


I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Alfred Tennyson