To much bad things in this blogg, to dark and not what I need atm :)
So I made a new one. Write to me if you want it!
Goodbye past.
9/09/2009
8/09/2009
August
So, I'm 20 now. Kinda thrilled about it. My birthday was one of the best ones ever, much better than last year when I was all alone. My family really busted their ass to make me feel special. The morning started with Champangebreakfast and some spa, anyone who knows me knows that a day starting with that is a bloody perfect day.
After lots of chilling and relaxing we jumped into the car and drove to a unknown destination, atleast for me.
But I kinda got it when we drove towards Helsingör! Took the boat over, I got like panic onboard when I saw a hole box beer costed like 18 euros! And thats cheapo!
We ate at a cosy restaurant and strutted around, bought myself a Jägermeister ofcourse.
On the ride home there was a insanly long line when we hitted Löddeköping, think it was a horsecarage that had flipped over. So ofcourse we ware late, Dag had booked me from 6 so felt kinda bad there.
But there was no hard faces, when I got home I got a bouquet flowers and a kiss, we drove yet again to a unknown destination, turned out to be Mando. Was'nt to thrilled bout the place, everyone keeps saying it's kickass, was alright.
Went to my parents, picked up my stuff since I'd spent the night there, and went home.
At home I got showerd with gifts, bracelet, neckless, he knows what I liiike :).
That was some great things. Now for the not so great.
14 days ago I called 911 because of my dizzyness, vomiting and that I had low bloodsuger and felt the panic creeping. They asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital, I said no since I always think I can do it by myself.
It went away.
But this thursday I got dizzy on and off during the day. And by the time the clock had striked 8 it got really bad. Dag left Lexton for me and came back and I've already called mum and we headed out for the hospital. After much testing and so on, I got admitted into the hospital.
I stayed for 2 days, feeling lite shit, not eating, vomiting.
Turn out, I have a infection on my balance nerves.
The treatment sucks, I have to by myself train my balance up again, by doing different excersises. No medication or anything, good ol fashion.
After lots of chilling and relaxing we jumped into the car and drove to a unknown destination, atleast for me.
But I kinda got it when we drove towards Helsingör! Took the boat over, I got like panic onboard when I saw a hole box beer costed like 18 euros! And thats cheapo!
We ate at a cosy restaurant and strutted around, bought myself a Jägermeister ofcourse.
On the ride home there was a insanly long line when we hitted Löddeköping, think it was a horsecarage that had flipped over. So ofcourse we ware late, Dag had booked me from 6 so felt kinda bad there.
But there was no hard faces, when I got home I got a bouquet flowers and a kiss, we drove yet again to a unknown destination, turned out to be Mando. Was'nt to thrilled bout the place, everyone keeps saying it's kickass, was alright.
Went to my parents, picked up my stuff since I'd spent the night there, and went home.
At home I got showerd with gifts, bracelet, neckless, he knows what I liiike :).
That was some great things. Now for the not so great.
14 days ago I called 911 because of my dizzyness, vomiting and that I had low bloodsuger and felt the panic creeping. They asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital, I said no since I always think I can do it by myself.
It went away.
But this thursday I got dizzy on and off during the day. And by the time the clock had striked 8 it got really bad. Dag left Lexton for me and came back and I've already called mum and we headed out for the hospital. After much testing and so on, I got admitted into the hospital.
I stayed for 2 days, feeling lite shit, not eating, vomiting.
Turn out, I have a infection on my balance nerves.
The treatment sucks, I have to by myself train my balance up again, by doing different excersises. No medication or anything, good ol fashion.
7/28/2009
Wowi
And later became almost 3 weeks, oh well!
Phew, just came home from being in town with Josefine, took us 3h but we did it and I came home with nothing, as usual! It's ok still waiting for my stuff to come in the mail, been shoping online for my b-day party!
And yeah, its my b-day in a week! I really look forward to turning 20, kinda huge! Not sure whats gonna happy on the tuesday thou, but the party is on saturday! I hooked it up with Dag since he turn 25 on the 14th so 2 huge families and 70 people to entertain, now THATs gonna be fun! Tbh, my first big party, it's gonna be a blast.
Still a while until that, first work, and lots of it. But looking forward to getting paaaaid!
Oh well, off for now!
Hugfs
Phew, just came home from being in town with Josefine, took us 3h but we did it and I came home with nothing, as usual! It's ok still waiting for my stuff to come in the mail, been shoping online for my b-day party!
And yeah, its my b-day in a week! I really look forward to turning 20, kinda huge! Not sure whats gonna happy on the tuesday thou, but the party is on saturday! I hooked it up with Dag since he turn 25 on the 14th so 2 huge families and 70 people to entertain, now THATs gonna be fun! Tbh, my first big party, it's gonna be a blast.
Still a while until that, first work, and lots of it. But looking forward to getting paaaaid!
Oh well, off for now!
Hugfs
7/01/2009
yeye
Its so freakin hot .. Nah, not hot .. Just no air, I can't stand it.
Lucky for me, I'm going to Oslo on friday MAHA!
Gonna write more later since .. its to hot to do anything but whine.
Lucky for me, I'm going to Oslo on friday MAHA!
Gonna write more later since .. its to hot to do anything but whine.
6/14/2009
They did nothing.
My saturday, the 6th, was really awful. I came home to my parents after eating a kickass dinner with my mother and my boyfriend and it doesnt take long before hell breaks lose.
I pass out, my pulse drops to nonexisting, my breathing stops and I come back to life after a few seconds. But I pass out one more time, in the mean time Dag calls the ambulanse and they rush thru the town to help me.
When they come I had woken yet again but started to hyperventilate, cry and panic. They take my bloodsugar to see so its not diabetesrelated. Since all Dag can say is "She's a diabetic!!!", it was really cute, but unrelivant at that time.
The ambulanse people establish that; "Oh fuck, let's take her in."
Well no shit.
The ride thru town is a huge blurr, but well at the ER they push the maxdose on morfine in me, and other stuff that could tranquilize a elephant.
But I don't stop.
And I lay there for up towards 6hours, pumped, hyperventilating and the ER establish that; "Ohhh shit, we don't know what this is, so we send you away from us so you stop being out problem! Yey for us!"
They send me to the psykwards where the doc doesnt get why I'm there because I'm clear in my head and it's really unnecessary for me to be in his office.
After that I colapse and stop hyperventilate from shere exhaustion.
Not from the drogs, not from the doctors, from exhaustion.
They did nothing.
Yey for Swedish healthcare sometimes.
But there was one of the nurses there, who was a real rock, I can't remember what she looked like, what her name was, but yeeses did she help me just by beeing there and talking to me.
These past days have been really rough and I feel like shit.
I hope everything gets better soon.
Called the hospital bout my former broken wrist aswell, the surgery isnt gonna happen any time soon, tops 2months maybe.
Oh well.
So life goes on ..
I pass out, my pulse drops to nonexisting, my breathing stops and I come back to life after a few seconds. But I pass out one more time, in the mean time Dag calls the ambulanse and they rush thru the town to help me.
When they come I had woken yet again but started to hyperventilate, cry and panic. They take my bloodsugar to see so its not diabetesrelated. Since all Dag can say is "She's a diabetic!!!", it was really cute, but unrelivant at that time.
The ambulanse people establish that; "Oh fuck, let's take her in."
Well no shit.
The ride thru town is a huge blurr, but well at the ER they push the maxdose on morfine in me, and other stuff that could tranquilize a elephant.
But I don't stop.
And I lay there for up towards 6hours, pumped, hyperventilating and the ER establish that; "Ohhh shit, we don't know what this is, so we send you away from us so you stop being out problem! Yey for us!"
They send me to the psykwards where the doc doesnt get why I'm there because I'm clear in my head and it's really unnecessary for me to be in his office.
After that I colapse and stop hyperventilate from shere exhaustion.
Not from the drogs, not from the doctors, from exhaustion.
They did nothing.
Yey for Swedish healthcare sometimes.
But there was one of the nurses there, who was a real rock, I can't remember what she looked like, what her name was, but yeeses did she help me just by beeing there and talking to me.
These past days have been really rough and I feel like shit.
I hope everything gets better soon.
Called the hospital bout my former broken wrist aswell, the surgery isnt gonna happen any time soon, tops 2months maybe.
Oh well.
So life goes on ..
6/03/2009
Natural Born Leader
Omg, the good comments just keep rolling in, not about how I do in school and my grades, but how I AM as a person, it's just such a booster I'm gonna start laughing and crying.
This time it was my Active Democracy teacher (n yes that is a ligit class and cours), he told me my grade and said that I was such a greater leader, I can make people do what I want (in a good way), make them see what's good, explain things so everyone gets it and that's seriously (he said) a good quality in a human beeing. He was specially impressed of my leading skills.
Thou he was curious of why I don't take more place, show myself and how smart I am more.
I explained that thats something that has been coming more and more, that I wanted to make room for others to shine and learn, I don't want to step on anyones toes.
He almost got angry telling me that I needed to do that to achieve some steps in life, was really interesting talking to him. This past term I've been really looking up to him, enjoying his classes and his intelligence, for him to say that to me, it was really cool.
And plus, I got kickass grade from him.
This time it was my Active Democracy teacher (n yes that is a ligit class and cours), he told me my grade and said that I was such a greater leader, I can make people do what I want (in a good way), make them see what's good, explain things so everyone gets it and that's seriously (he said) a good quality in a human beeing. He was specially impressed of my leading skills.
Thou he was curious of why I don't take more place, show myself and how smart I am more.
I explained that thats something that has been coming more and more, that I wanted to make room for others to shine and learn, I don't want to step on anyones toes.
He almost got angry telling me that I needed to do that to achieve some steps in life, was really interesting talking to him. This past term I've been really looking up to him, enjoying his classes and his intelligence, for him to say that to me, it was really cool.
And plus, I got kickass grade from him.
6/02/2009
YUMMI
Time for one of those long updates again I guess!
Still, I'm gonna try and keep it short . . . .
The last week, between monday and wednesday I was at the hospital. No worries, it was a kind of course, talking about diabetes. It was really the best thing that's happend in a while, when it comes to me and my health.
3 days me and 8 other people sat listening to doctors, nurses, nutritionist, psychologist and even top researcher!
I was the youngest of them all, and yet the one who have had the longest relationship with the illness.
Lots of good things really happend, but to keep it short I got new improved means, loads of guide and tips.
And I even got to know how I got diabetes, which is a hole new discovery, and I'm going to tell you some other time.
I'm really doing what I've wanted to do the last year or so, I'm starting to feel so much fresher and alert, it's really amazing. Who would have known that I could eat knekkebroot!
The nurses there ware really taking care of me, since I've transfered from the kiddies division to adult I've kinda slipped between chairs and was lost in the archivies. I hav'nt done the routine cheak-ups so they really, no kidding, threw me out of the room to go and do them, they felt sorry for the position I was in. All better now thou!
The past weeks been really stressful, like always, everything is pushed to the end and I got alot of school to take care of, but then again, it all ends tomorrow!
And it is worth it, I've applyed for the university here in Malmo, and in Lund, so let's see where I end up. My grade is looking awfly good with all the VG-MVGs I've gotten from Komvux ;).
Funny thing happend today, did the last thing for my English class and afterwards when I talked to my teacher about my grade she asked me what I was planning on doing to the fall.
Told her I was going to the university and that I've applyed for 3 things.
Anyway, my 3d option which is just something I took because I had a sudden rush for it, is a english teacher for the upper highschool students.
She said that I was one of the most talented english students she's seen in a while and that I had every characteristic that a good teacher needs, and that Sweden really needed more of those. I got really flattered.
Btw, not telling a soul what my first two desires are for the university apply, lets just see how far it goes ;).
Gonna continue studying for the last exam and sip on my beer.
See ya laters.
Still, I'm gonna try and keep it short . . . .
The last week, between monday and wednesday I was at the hospital. No worries, it was a kind of course, talking about diabetes. It was really the best thing that's happend in a while, when it comes to me and my health.
3 days me and 8 other people sat listening to doctors, nurses, nutritionist, psychologist and even top researcher!
I was the youngest of them all, and yet the one who have had the longest relationship with the illness.
Lots of good things really happend, but to keep it short I got new improved means, loads of guide and tips.
And I even got to know how I got diabetes, which is a hole new discovery, and I'm going to tell you some other time.
I'm really doing what I've wanted to do the last year or so, I'm starting to feel so much fresher and alert, it's really amazing. Who would have known that I could eat knekkebroot!
The nurses there ware really taking care of me, since I've transfered from the kiddies division to adult I've kinda slipped between chairs and was lost in the archivies. I hav'nt done the routine cheak-ups so they really, no kidding, threw me out of the room to go and do them, they felt sorry for the position I was in. All better now thou!
The past weeks been really stressful, like always, everything is pushed to the end and I got alot of school to take care of, but then again, it all ends tomorrow!
And it is worth it, I've applyed for the university here in Malmo, and in Lund, so let's see where I end up. My grade is looking awfly good with all the VG-MVGs I've gotten from Komvux ;).
Funny thing happend today, did the last thing for my English class and afterwards when I talked to my teacher about my grade she asked me what I was planning on doing to the fall.
Told her I was going to the university and that I've applyed for 3 things.
Anyway, my 3d option which is just something I took because I had a sudden rush for it, is a english teacher for the upper highschool students.
She said that I was one of the most talented english students she's seen in a while and that I had every characteristic that a good teacher needs, and that Sweden really needed more of those. I got really flattered.
Btw, not telling a soul what my first two desires are for the university apply, lets just see how far it goes ;).
Gonna continue studying for the last exam and sip on my beer.
See ya laters.
5/06/2009
Still blahflagh
Who ever knows what the future holds?
Everyday you make decisions that change your life, some are good and some are bad, but they are still changes.
I've lived for soon 20 years, who knows that on that particular period of time how many bad moves I've made, how many bad decisions. Who knows of what would have happend if I stayed with my first ex? Can speculate thru it but never know. Now when I look back a few years I see that it was a good move, I got to know a guy who changed me (<- change, good or bad). Thing is, right now, that was just a move. Let's see if it ware for the better, wierd thing about this is that I feel less interesting in the ripples I got, than his.
I just hope I'm not like that stupid dog I see all the time, running in circles around everyone at all times.
Bah, dont even know what I wrote there, I'm so tired.
School is 4 weeks more, I work on a daily basis atm, I push my family because my dads got the pigthing, my mom is depressed and my bro is just .. dont. Can't even relive the moment in my head when I saw him.
I'm not even sure I want this job for the next 5 months, 8h a day for a hole summer. From the exact day my school ends, the job starts. I might be looking at too much.
Everyday you make decisions that change your life, some are good and some are bad, but they are still changes.
I've lived for soon 20 years, who knows that on that particular period of time how many bad moves I've made, how many bad decisions. Who knows of what would have happend if I stayed with my first ex? Can speculate thru it but never know. Now when I look back a few years I see that it was a good move, I got to know a guy who changed me (<- change, good or bad). Thing is, right now, that was just a move. Let's see if it ware for the better, wierd thing about this is that I feel less interesting in the ripples I got, than his.
I just hope I'm not like that stupid dog I see all the time, running in circles around everyone at all times.
Bah, dont even know what I wrote there, I'm so tired.
School is 4 weeks more, I work on a daily basis atm, I push my family because my dads got the pigthing, my mom is depressed and my bro is just .. dont. Can't even relive the moment in my head when I saw him.
I'm not even sure I want this job for the next 5 months, 8h a day for a hole summer. From the exact day my school ends, the job starts. I might be looking at too much.
5/03/2009
Updatimentues
Tuesday went beyond what I could have imagine. People that was back-stabing, messing with each other, making lives miserable ware getting along. I told the group that teamwork was the key and that we needed to get along to make this work, and since I was the leader of this group I was going to make damn sure that was going to happen.
It was a complete success, I was coaching and pushing, making me kinda rethink what I was doing, but thats another story. The day was as said, a complete success, this was the most fun I've had in a long while, we hade a barbecue with about 500 sausages, lots of people to serve and we laughed the hole time.
After the clean up, we all felt we owed it to ourself to go and get drunk and that is exactly what we did. Had a hungover for 2 days, but totaly worth it.
I never thought buying a apartment would be such trouble, it takes forever, everything has to be checked and rechecked over and over again. But its worth it in the end. I'm moving back to my old block with a positive attitude. And everything feels great, a new home with a new feeling to it.
Love is thrusting and spring affects everyone. Dag and I keep building new foundations, new values and new ways to make each other happy. I've been waiting for something like this for a long time, and it's exactly what I need right now atleast.
A commitment with no boundaries, no pressure and most of all the exact freedome I need and still the precise amount of affection and love. And the great sex ofcourse.
About the near future, I'm being interviewed for a important job on wednesday, that could determent how my next few years look like. It's this kickass job for a company I really want to work for, Tele2. It has tremendous opportunities for further development, without a real edjucation (with that I mean university or any college of higher learning) become a project manager, key account manager, teamleader and who knows, might even go further.
And it's such a good pay, like I-can-buy-my-dream-camera-3-times-over good pay.
Let's see how it goes, don't know If I want to cross my fingers just yet, I was'nt quite ready for a dreamjob to pop up so soon.
It was a complete success, I was coaching and pushing, making me kinda rethink what I was doing, but thats another story. The day was as said, a complete success, this was the most fun I've had in a long while, we hade a barbecue with about 500 sausages, lots of people to serve and we laughed the hole time.
After the clean up, we all felt we owed it to ourself to go and get drunk and that is exactly what we did. Had a hungover for 2 days, but totaly worth it.
I never thought buying a apartment would be such trouble, it takes forever, everything has to be checked and rechecked over and over again. But its worth it in the end. I'm moving back to my old block with a positive attitude. And everything feels great, a new home with a new feeling to it.
Love is thrusting and spring affects everyone. Dag and I keep building new foundations, new values and new ways to make each other happy. I've been waiting for something like this for a long time, and it's exactly what I need right now atleast.
A commitment with no boundaries, no pressure and most of all the exact freedome I need and still the precise amount of affection and love. And the great sex ofcourse.
About the near future, I'm being interviewed for a important job on wednesday, that could determent how my next few years look like. It's this kickass job for a company I really want to work for, Tele2. It has tremendous opportunities for further development, without a real edjucation (with that I mean university or any college of higher learning) become a project manager, key account manager, teamleader and who knows, might even go further.
And it's such a good pay, like I-can-buy-my-dream-camera-3-times-over good pay.
Let's see how it goes, don't know If I want to cross my fingers just yet, I was'nt quite ready for a dreamjob to pop up so soon.
4/22/2009
Oh my dear god.
I'm so seriously sick of people seeking drama, it gets too much, isnt your life that excited aleady? I feel sorry for you, that you need to drag down a group filled with good people just because you feel this and that.
I'm currently in this campaign group for this cultureday on my school, I'm the Chairwoman and I love the part I'm playing. But there is this villain with her sidekick that is determant to drag not only me but the hole team down by spreading lies about indulgence and idleness. Because she doesnt understand the part she's playing she has to go running to the teacher, risk everyones (that isnt her) grade and just trashtalk. We have clearly helpt her understand what she is suppost to do, she hasnt had any questions or doubt, so how does that become our fault? If we feel she gets it, she shows she gets it, how are we suppost to walk into her mind and find out the truth?
I'm not feeling the fact that people go behind my back, ranting about stuff that arent true and trying to stab the group in the back. If she made it personal, and went tadeling on me, that would have been different, she wouldnt punish the group, I could take that. Right now I couldnt care less about this grade, I was thinking jumping off now, but 5 weeks to go and it's foolish. Let's see where this takes us. She made the teacher write a long letter to the hooole class and today he's gonna sit down with us and talk about rights and wrongs, active or not, responsibillity,
and this has never felt more like kindergarden.
I'm currently in this campaign group for this cultureday on my school, I'm the Chairwoman and I love the part I'm playing. But there is this villain with her sidekick that is determant to drag not only me but the hole team down by spreading lies about indulgence and idleness. Because she doesnt understand the part she's playing she has to go running to the teacher, risk everyones (that isnt her) grade and just trashtalk. We have clearly helpt her understand what she is suppost to do, she hasnt had any questions or doubt, so how does that become our fault? If we feel she gets it, she shows she gets it, how are we suppost to walk into her mind and find out the truth?
I'm not feeling the fact that people go behind my back, ranting about stuff that arent true and trying to stab the group in the back. If she made it personal, and went tadeling on me, that would have been different, she wouldnt punish the group, I could take that. Right now I couldnt care less about this grade, I was thinking jumping off now, but 5 weeks to go and it's foolish. Let's see where this takes us. She made the teacher write a long letter to the hooole class and today he's gonna sit down with us and talk about rights and wrongs, active or not, responsibillity,
and this has never felt more like kindergarden.
4/12/2009
Yaosa
There's no greater feeling in the world then being inlove. I admire people that say they still have a part of that new fresh in-love-feeling after 1, 2, even 10 years.
I go thru variouse peoples blogs everyday, and just read that again, reminding me of how beautiful it truly is, I'm happy for people that get out of bad relationships and move on. The fact that if the one they meet afterwards is the perfect one is just a bonus in my eyes, a great one at that.
Everyday, probobly every second someone in the world is making a mistake, it's human and shouldnt pay too much attention if that mistake doesnt include breaking a social code, law or norm that is.
I have had a wonderful weekend, I am truly happy that I have a man like Dag.
I don't feel too well, I'm in pain all the time (my wrist and such), I'm stressed and I have to much plans. When it gets too much he helps a lot.
Oh well. Kinda tired atm, so wish you a good night.
I go thru variouse peoples blogs everyday, and just read that again, reminding me of how beautiful it truly is, I'm happy for people that get out of bad relationships and move on. The fact that if the one they meet afterwards is the perfect one is just a bonus in my eyes, a great one at that.
Everyday, probobly every second someone in the world is making a mistake, it's human and shouldnt pay too much attention if that mistake doesnt include breaking a social code, law or norm that is.
I have had a wonderful weekend, I am truly happy that I have a man like Dag.
I don't feel too well, I'm in pain all the time (my wrist and such), I'm stressed and I have to much plans. When it gets too much he helps a lot.
Oh well. Kinda tired atm, so wish you a good night.
4/10/2009
Happy Easter
And I'm sick again. What's up with my immunsystem? It compleatly sucks.
It's spring and the sun is shining and I want to die because of all this physical shit thats happening.
Upside is I play wow while I'm inside, all the time. I've found a new spark really.
I knew I should have levled a pally a long time ago, broken my ass, blindly listening to the man you loved isnt always the right thing. I compleatly love it ..
And well, I knew I should have gone horde a long time ago.
Those that have characters on both side often say there's no difference, hasnt payed good enough attention.
For the swedes who read my blogg, take a peek at my best friends blogg, her lastest post, kinda cool. http://jooozie.blogg.se/ .
I love to see people shine.
Well, off to play easter with the family.
It's spring and the sun is shining and I want to die because of all this physical shit thats happening.
Upside is I play wow while I'm inside, all the time. I've found a new spark really.
I knew I should have levled a pally a long time ago, broken my ass, blindly listening to the man you loved isnt always the right thing. I compleatly love it ..
And well, I knew I should have gone horde a long time ago.
Those that have characters on both side often say there's no difference, hasnt payed good enough attention.
For the swedes who read my blogg, take a peek at my best friends blogg, her lastest post, kinda cool. http://jooozie.blogg.se/ .
I love to see people shine.
Well, off to play easter with the family.
4/06/2009
Space
Boy be carefull what you wish for, cause you might get that and so much more.
In the closet where my clothes should be,
In that empty bed without me,
Now I'm walking out the front door.
You got exactly what you asked for: Space
In your phone where it said my name
You can't have youre cake and eat it.
Så kom för helvete inte och whina.
Clean up your mess and your life,
you got the space for it now.
----
If we let that go for a while, since I'm pissed.
Was at the doctor today, I'm having surgery in 1-5 weeks.
Think of me.
Sharing more later.
Peace out.
In the closet where my clothes should be,
In that empty bed without me,
Now I'm walking out the front door.
You got exactly what you asked for: Space
In your phone where it said my name
You can't have youre cake and eat it.
Så kom för helvete inte och whina.
Clean up your mess and your life,
you got the space for it now.
----
If we let that go for a while, since I'm pissed.
Was at the doctor today, I'm having surgery in 1-5 weeks.
Think of me.
Sharing more later.
Peace out.
4/05/2009
Read or dont read, I'm still dreaming
I just now, and I swear it, had the most horrible yet interesting dream ever, or well, I consider it a nightmare.
I just woke up right now (this is'nt the dream) and last night I had a slight fight with my boyfriend, a small one, ware drunk and so on, I usually get pissy over small things and start arguments. But what ever, I tell you this because I think that's one of the reasons I dreamt this.
I'm really freaking out, it was a really together, welldreamt dream. No pink elephants running around or what ever normal people dream about.
The italics is the dream, rest just comments.
Can't remember just how it started, but I remember a house, kinda runned down with lots of rooms, two floors atleast. Lots of beds for some reason. On the outside it looked like my grandma's house (Spoke to them today for a long while aswell).
Everyone who knows me, knows that I see alot of horror movies, It's come to be called even a addiction since it's kinda hurting me and giving me pleasure at the same time. And everyone knows I don't go anywhere without my phone and some other stuff in my pockets.
Suddenly I was inside this house, going thru these rooms, and I see a person, or the shape of a person, and he see's me, he starts to chase me, and after a small time of chasing , where I was looking for a escape, we stop in one of the rooms, I lay down on one of the beds, and he tries to seduce me, I don't resist and he tries to pleasure me (No joke). I say nothing, don't strugle, he's not good at it, and after like a few minutes I break loose and starts running around for the exit, I see a balcone and run out on it, we are on the second floor and I jump.
I run around and theres a hill and a small house right next to the house I just jumped out of, it's raining and really gushing down, and I see my grandparents thru a big window, crying.
I run inside to them and screaming for help, but they don't see me, not in the meaning that they don't care, they can't see me. My grandparents ware there, my mother and father, brother, most of the family. My granparents ware in the kitchen, walking about, very sad, I desperatly want they to see me, I need help. They walk to the other room where the rest of the family is around a big squared table. There I shout and cry and scream for them to see me, lots of crying. And when I'm about to give up I scream one last time: Why dont you see me? And my mother answers: We can see you now, and she smiles at me.
This is the part that gets freaky in the dream, I don't skip anything that I remember, my dreams arent usually this get together, logical and understandable, but not in together in the hole context.
My father comes up to me with 2-3 pieces of paper, gives them to me to read. I go thru them, not understanding what's going on, and I see this line where it says like: Declared with schizofrenia. And in my dream I get hazy and stop listening to what they are telling me, asking myself if the big house was a illusion and whats what. I ask for my jacket, for my phone and my things, I want to call my boyfriend Dag, because he is'nt there with my family. My jacket hangs in a hallway leading outside again, I go thru my pocket, grabbing not only the phone I own IRL at the moment, but a old phone of mine. Both batteries are dead. I run outside, up to another house which in the dream feels like home.
Dont remember in the dream If I call him or not on my homephone but..
In the next moment I get into his car (thou not the same car as he owns IRL), we talk alot, we tell each other that we love eachother, lots of talking. And when we cruise thru Malmö, I notice that lots have changed and I joke and say something like: Wow, for how long was I out of it?, this is the part where it gets sad, Dag replys: 2 years.
Instantly I get a wierd feeling in my stomach, not realizing he is being real about it. I rain questions on him, asking him first tons questions about me and what happend. When I calm down I say: You actually stood by my side for 2 years, not leaving me even if things ware this bad. He looks at me, smiling (like he always does IRL) saying: Ofcourse, you know I would, I love you.
Remember how I felt in the dream, at that moment. I ask him about the stuff we had planned, and thats when I realize the timeperspective of the dream is now. Me and Dag are going to share a home by the end of this month, we have planned, IRL now, the renovations and what to put where, it's been a big part of the day these past weeks.
I ask him about the apartment and he sighs and says he just finished the floors that I wanted, but theres alot of work, but that we have a home. And I ask to go and see it with him, he smiles yet again and says: Ofcourse.
After that I woke up, feeling .. well lots of things, I grab my phone and I text to Dag, telling him I love him and just that.
As been said, my dreams are never like this, thought i ought to write it down and the blog was the first thing that poped in this tired, still halfasleep young woman.
And lol, you just read one of my dreams.
I just woke up right now (this is'nt the dream) and last night I had a slight fight with my boyfriend, a small one, ware drunk and so on, I usually get pissy over small things and start arguments. But what ever, I tell you this because I think that's one of the reasons I dreamt this.
I'm really freaking out, it was a really together, welldreamt dream. No pink elephants running around or what ever normal people dream about.
The italics is the dream, rest just comments.
Can't remember just how it started, but I remember a house, kinda runned down with lots of rooms, two floors atleast. Lots of beds for some reason. On the outside it looked like my grandma's house (Spoke to them today for a long while aswell).
Everyone who knows me, knows that I see alot of horror movies, It's come to be called even a addiction since it's kinda hurting me and giving me pleasure at the same time. And everyone knows I don't go anywhere without my phone and some other stuff in my pockets.
Suddenly I was inside this house, going thru these rooms, and I see a person, or the shape of a person, and he see's me, he starts to chase me, and after a small time of chasing , where I was looking for a escape, we stop in one of the rooms, I lay down on one of the beds, and he tries to seduce me, I don't resist and he tries to pleasure me (No joke). I say nothing, don't strugle, he's not good at it, and after like a few minutes I break loose and starts running around for the exit, I see a balcone and run out on it, we are on the second floor and I jump.
I run around and theres a hill and a small house right next to the house I just jumped out of, it's raining and really gushing down, and I see my grandparents thru a big window, crying.
I run inside to them and screaming for help, but they don't see me, not in the meaning that they don't care, they can't see me. My grandparents ware there, my mother and father, brother, most of the family. My granparents ware in the kitchen, walking about, very sad, I desperatly want they to see me, I need help. They walk to the other room where the rest of the family is around a big squared table. There I shout and cry and scream for them to see me, lots of crying. And when I'm about to give up I scream one last time: Why dont you see me? And my mother answers: We can see you now, and she smiles at me.
This is the part that gets freaky in the dream, I don't skip anything that I remember, my dreams arent usually this get together, logical and understandable, but not in together in the hole context.
My father comes up to me with 2-3 pieces of paper, gives them to me to read. I go thru them, not understanding what's going on, and I see this line where it says like: Declared with schizofrenia. And in my dream I get hazy and stop listening to what they are telling me, asking myself if the big house was a illusion and whats what. I ask for my jacket, for my phone and my things, I want to call my boyfriend Dag, because he is'nt there with my family. My jacket hangs in a hallway leading outside again, I go thru my pocket, grabbing not only the phone I own IRL at the moment, but a old phone of mine. Both batteries are dead. I run outside, up to another house which in the dream feels like home.
Dont remember in the dream If I call him or not on my homephone but..
In the next moment I get into his car (thou not the same car as he owns IRL), we talk alot, we tell each other that we love eachother, lots of talking. And when we cruise thru Malmö, I notice that lots have changed and I joke and say something like: Wow, for how long was I out of it?, this is the part where it gets sad, Dag replys: 2 years.
Instantly I get a wierd feeling in my stomach, not realizing he is being real about it. I rain questions on him, asking him first tons questions about me and what happend. When I calm down I say: You actually stood by my side for 2 years, not leaving me even if things ware this bad. He looks at me, smiling (like he always does IRL) saying: Ofcourse, you know I would, I love you.
Remember how I felt in the dream, at that moment. I ask him about the stuff we had planned, and thats when I realize the timeperspective of the dream is now. Me and Dag are going to share a home by the end of this month, we have planned, IRL now, the renovations and what to put where, it's been a big part of the day these past weeks.
I ask him about the apartment and he sighs and says he just finished the floors that I wanted, but theres alot of work, but that we have a home. And I ask to go and see it with him, he smiles yet again and says: Ofcourse.
After that I woke up, feeling .. well lots of things, I grab my phone and I text to Dag, telling him I love him and just that.
As been said, my dreams are never like this, thought i ought to write it down and the blog was the first thing that poped in this tired, still halfasleep young woman.
And lol, you just read one of my dreams.
3/25/2009
A little bit of this, and a little bit of ...
Everyone that knows me, knows that I'm not a big fan of swedish hip hop, but recently I've come to eat up those words. Today I heard a song made by Josefines x and his friends, they have made a song about Josefine, quite rough and evil but still, the lyrics and beats ware just so kickass that I've been walking around and singing this song all afternoon, with Josefine laughing beside me ofcourse. I've been slacking with Swedish culture, going on a Sweden tour this summer (amongst other things) and I hope to really suck in the culture in all forms. Never really left Skåne (Southest district) and that's so bad in my eyes. I live in this country, born and raised, truly swedish, and I've never been to the capital.
Oh well, kinda tired, going to watch Zeitgeist I think, or any one the other 8 documentrys on my laptop .. hmm, how to pick?
Oh well, kinda tired, going to watch Zeitgeist I think, or any one the other 8 documentrys on my laptop .. hmm, how to pick?
3/24/2009
Yeeeees.
I can feel it creeping up on me again, the stress, the constant battle.
For about 1½ years I was on a break, and now that I'm back in the game I can't say I feel stronger or more confident. After the libaration I went beserc, with money, desitions, myself, I made some bad calls. Now, when I grasp upon what I have in my lap and on the road ahead, I feel the same stress and pressure I felt 2 years ago.
The bad calls I made involved mostly money, I've been broke before, but now that I have a steady income every month, it hurts throwing away money on shit I bought. I'm going to try and fix it, but it's not going to be easy.
Luckily, I have a boyfriend which I have a strong relationship with, that has on so little time already been thru so much, he stood by me when I went beserc. Don't even know how to explain the beserc part, but many, many bad choices, that hurted alot of people. And now we are actually, even gone that far to looking at apartments together, for once I'm not a bystander, I have a say in everything.
I have a good friend, that's much like me, that slows me down when I rush, that put's me on the ground with my own two feet. That helps me relax, be myself, have fun and just go with the flow.
I have a solid family, that helps me thru the worst of times, everyone knows how I feel towards my family, the strong bond that never breaks even If they piss me off sometimes.
I still miss alot of the chill, but this have made me appreciate chilltime so much more, a hot bath or a good cup of thé and a good movie, oh dear god give me friday now!
For about 1½ years I was on a break, and now that I'm back in the game I can't say I feel stronger or more confident. After the libaration I went beserc, with money, desitions, myself, I made some bad calls. Now, when I grasp upon what I have in my lap and on the road ahead, I feel the same stress and pressure I felt 2 years ago.
The bad calls I made involved mostly money, I've been broke before, but now that I have a steady income every month, it hurts throwing away money on shit I bought. I'm going to try and fix it, but it's not going to be easy.
Luckily, I have a boyfriend which I have a strong relationship with, that has on so little time already been thru so much, he stood by me when I went beserc. Don't even know how to explain the beserc part, but many, many bad choices, that hurted alot of people. And now we are actually, even gone that far to looking at apartments together, for once I'm not a bystander, I have a say in everything.
I have a good friend, that's much like me, that slows me down when I rush, that put's me on the ground with my own two feet. That helps me relax, be myself, have fun and just go with the flow.
I have a solid family, that helps me thru the worst of times, everyone knows how I feel towards my family, the strong bond that never breaks even If they piss me off sometimes.
I still miss alot of the chill, but this have made me appreciate chilltime so much more, a hot bath or a good cup of thé and a good movie, oh dear god give me friday now!
3/15/2009
Blahflagh
Seriously, this is insane.
That man can't expect me to walk around high as a kite everyday,
I'm a walking haze, and the stuff don't even work that well.
Tomorrows going to be fun atleast!
Going with my mom to Denmark for her big, kickass jobinterview. I'm glad to be her support even if it means waiting for her for hours, think I'm going to bring with me my computer just for the heck of it, either that or a book, or both.
Life goes on. Nothing stands in my way really and it feels good actually. Feels like my plan is going to work out just fine. Tomorrow starts the application day for collage and have a few options in my mind, but I really want to stay in Malmö for now and go the programe I have in mind.
My zeitgeistmission is still at bay, I'm working on it.
Still gonna kickass, so excited I'm bursting with ideas.
5 min talk just isnt enought for what I want to say.
Oh, and Hi Johanna!
Start writting a blogg slacker!
<3
That man can't expect me to walk around high as a kite everyday,
I'm a walking haze, and the stuff don't even work that well.
Tomorrows going to be fun atleast!
Going with my mom to Denmark for her big, kickass jobinterview. I'm glad to be her support even if it means waiting for her for hours, think I'm going to bring with me my computer just for the heck of it, either that or a book, or both.
Life goes on. Nothing stands in my way really and it feels good actually. Feels like my plan is going to work out just fine. Tomorrow starts the application day for collage and have a few options in my mind, but I really want to stay in Malmö for now and go the programe I have in mind.
My zeitgeistmission is still at bay, I'm working on it.
Still gonna kickass, so excited I'm bursting with ideas.
5 min talk just isnt enought for what I want to say.
Oh, and Hi Johanna!
Start writting a blogg slacker!
<3
3/11/2009
Eh eh
I'm going to need surgery,
and untill that day comes,
he got me on morfin for the pain.
I'm fucking out of reach.
and untill that day comes,
he got me on morfin for the pain.
I'm fucking out of reach.
3/10/2009
Letting go maybe?
2009 turns out to be quite .. odd. Atleast the start.
As always I tend to think back to the past, about people that come and go. Going thru facebook, seeing old friends, really old friends, and people that dont even want to be friends on facebook for what happend in the past.
Recently it's been about a certain someone that I miss, and yet dont miss.
I kinda wrote a list in my head, and the stuff I miss is like the incredible sex, listening to you talk, seeing you grow. I miss the kittens, no one gets it when I say the Lycans should be small kittens instead, no one see's what we saw. I really miss the kittens. I don't miss the rush, the feeling of being alone, the hunt for love and a thank you, beeing portrayed as a ideal couple, the pressure of meeting up to you, the unknown future and not knowing what you wanted. And you ware always right, I hated it. But you ware so smart and when you shined, you truly shined. I miss being the one you told everything to, I dont miss feeling like you never spoke to me. Overall I appreciate the fact that I can say that I once knew you. Even if you wont give me my stuff and pictures back, kinda pisses me.
And I was'nt broken when I started the journey with you, I got broken in the mean time, not because of you thou.
I got something good now, dont know where it's going, but I have total freedome to do what I wish, he shows me love and devotion, he fights with me, he let's me know he see's the hard work I'm doing. And lord knows I'm fucking pushing limits right now, I'm so afraid to get burned out again but that's another story. I've never seen or felt the amount of efford of making sure and truly busting their ass to make another human beeing feel good, feel apreciated and feel love.
But everyone got their downs, things I rather not see. As you go thru the process of getting to know a person, when the high is over, and you see the person, what do you see?
As a finisher for what's been said, can't change the past.
As known, I go to school this semester, a highschool thing before the university, and I study a various things, amongs those things I have the honour of studying Rhetoric and it's the art of speeking, what Obama rocks at.
And in this class we are suppost to write three speeches, one emotional, one informative and last a argumental. The emotional was done a couple weeks ago, I wrote about the day I found out I had diabetes, almost stood there and cried infront of 15 people.
The next one is the informative one, and I got such a good plan, I hope everyone that reads this has seen Zeitgeist, I know I have, like 10 times. And what this movie informs it's viewers is what I'm going to inform my class. It's going to be so kickass.
Right now I'm going to continue doing my Biology, just waiting out the time until the clock is 15.15, then comes the verdict on what's going to happen to my wrist, if I need surgery or not.
I just don't want the pain anymore.
Wish me luck, and think of me then.
As always I tend to think back to the past, about people that come and go. Going thru facebook, seeing old friends, really old friends, and people that dont even want to be friends on facebook for what happend in the past.
Recently it's been about a certain someone that I miss, and yet dont miss.
I kinda wrote a list in my head, and the stuff I miss is like the incredible sex, listening to you talk, seeing you grow. I miss the kittens, no one gets it when I say the Lycans should be small kittens instead, no one see's what we saw. I really miss the kittens. I don't miss the rush, the feeling of being alone, the hunt for love and a thank you, beeing portrayed as a ideal couple, the pressure of meeting up to you, the unknown future and not knowing what you wanted. And you ware always right, I hated it. But you ware so smart and when you shined, you truly shined. I miss being the one you told everything to, I dont miss feeling like you never spoke to me. Overall I appreciate the fact that I can say that I once knew you. Even if you wont give me my stuff and pictures back, kinda pisses me.
And I was'nt broken when I started the journey with you, I got broken in the mean time, not because of you thou.
I got something good now, dont know where it's going, but I have total freedome to do what I wish, he shows me love and devotion, he fights with me, he let's me know he see's the hard work I'm doing. And lord knows I'm fucking pushing limits right now, I'm so afraid to get burned out again but that's another story. I've never seen or felt the amount of efford of making sure and truly busting their ass to make another human beeing feel good, feel apreciated and feel love.
But everyone got their downs, things I rather not see. As you go thru the process of getting to know a person, when the high is over, and you see the person, what do you see?
As a finisher for what's been said, can't change the past.
As known, I go to school this semester, a highschool thing before the university, and I study a various things, amongs those things I have the honour of studying Rhetoric and it's the art of speeking, what Obama rocks at.
And in this class we are suppost to write three speeches, one emotional, one informative and last a argumental. The emotional was done a couple weeks ago, I wrote about the day I found out I had diabetes, almost stood there and cried infront of 15 people.
The next one is the informative one, and I got such a good plan, I hope everyone that reads this has seen Zeitgeist, I know I have, like 10 times. And what this movie informs it's viewers is what I'm going to inform my class. It's going to be so kickass.
Right now I'm going to continue doing my Biology, just waiting out the time until the clock is 15.15, then comes the verdict on what's going to happen to my wrist, if I need surgery or not.
I just don't want the pain anymore.
Wish me luck, and think of me then.
2/01/2009
It's been a while
My dad asked me the other day if I'd ever heard about Obama before he started to run for president, and I replyed that I had'nt really done that. Then he explained to me that he had heard a interesting theory about just why a black president came right out of the blue.
We discussed USA position finacialy, politicly, yeah well, in every angle there was (we had at it for hours), and the headline became "A fucked country, oh dear god, may somebody please have mercy". The theory he had heard was about how Obama was put there to ease the worried people, to give the united states of america something else to think about beside how shitty they have it. Even thou Obama did the speeches about his past, the interviews, you havent really heard anything about him.
It's a interesting theory. Not necessery agreeing with him, just a interesting discussion between a father and daughter.
hehey! I bought myself a laptop, had to work my ass for it, but its mine and i deserve it. Its a hp, its got exactly what I need for school and the near universitystudies. Soo, just wanted to mention that.
hehey! I have for the first time in my life broken a bone. It was a stupid thing of me and now I feel the punishment for it because it hurts more than you could imagen. Me and my boyfriend had a überlovecuddly-weekend in copenhagen and we found this irishpub with loads of good and fun people ... and loads of beer. Well, anyhow, walking home, over the street and I just fall. Straight forward hitting the ground with my hands and knees. So now, I have a skyblue ( yeey, himmelsblå, faithful to my football team) plaster over my right arm and purple knees. Besides that it was a wonderful weekend.
Besides that and everything, lifes good, very emotional and adventures.
Prickens doing fine, a tad to crazy atm, mewing to everything and nothing, but you can never find a better kittn then that.
Feel like I should write a 20 page update on everything, I have so many ideas,
"and such sights to show you..."
We discussed USA position finacialy, politicly, yeah well, in every angle there was (we had at it for hours), and the headline became "A fucked country, oh dear god, may somebody please have mercy". The theory he had heard was about how Obama was put there to ease the worried people, to give the united states of america something else to think about beside how shitty they have it. Even thou Obama did the speeches about his past, the interviews, you havent really heard anything about him.
It's a interesting theory. Not necessery agreeing with him, just a interesting discussion between a father and daughter.
hehey! I bought myself a laptop, had to work my ass for it, but its mine and i deserve it. Its a hp, its got exactly what I need for school and the near universitystudies. Soo, just wanted to mention that.
hehey! I have for the first time in my life broken a bone. It was a stupid thing of me and now I feel the punishment for it because it hurts more than you could imagen. Me and my boyfriend had a überlovecuddly-weekend in copenhagen and we found this irishpub with loads of good and fun people ... and loads of beer. Well, anyhow, walking home, over the street and I just fall. Straight forward hitting the ground with my hands and knees. So now, I have a skyblue ( yeey, himmelsblå, faithful to my football team) plaster over my right arm and purple knees. Besides that it was a wonderful weekend.
Besides that and everything, lifes good, very emotional and adventures.
Prickens doing fine, a tad to crazy atm, mewing to everything and nothing, but you can never find a better kittn then that.
Feel like I should write a 20 page update on everything, I have so many ideas,
"and such sights to show you..."
Prenumerera på:
Inlägg (Atom)
