Bleh, some drunkthinking maybe, or maybe not.

December is around the corner, its getting colder by the minute.
In all its coldness, I see the true colours of those who wish to share their heat.
A glass of wine has changed taste, a snowflake falling has changed its shape, christmas has a new glow. Details appear everywhere and nowhere, laughter has changed colour, movies have a new scent.
I am stronger than what I thought, the reflection in the mirror is changing by the day, I'm starting to see the beauty I once was.
A email and I was back to old thinking, a email and I felt numb.
I was loved enough to be set free and I will no matter what, be grateful. After rain comes sunshine, I can feel its heat and see the start of light. But its true you know, you dont know what you had until you lost it, whether its your selfasteem, a way of thinking, yourself, a boyfriend, a friend, your looks, your charm, what you are.
I feel free, and I feel love. And like I told Dag, I don't regret anything.

I slightly died of laughter

My bro send me some swedish crap - Caramell dance - I've never heard it before and it was really lame, but we laughed and enjoyed it! So Ofcourse I looked at the "Simular videoclips" and this one made it epic

Dont fucking bother.

The amount of stupidity, childish and drama is so uncomprehendable. I was asked to leave you alone, and I was damn happy doing it, but Im not gonna sit by while you trash me. I'm worth more. I have sooo much to inform people of what really got down, and I'm so freakin pissed right now I just might. When it comes down to it, people are so fake, such liers, and they never show their true colour. Thought things would be different this time.
I hope youre really freakin happy, I really do, you deserve it, but leave me the fuck alone then.
You know how I fought for getting my stuff back, right now, I couldnt give a fuck, that how much I dont want you in my life. Its worth shit. And thats my whole life on your computer.
Fuck can I say things, and do things that will make you suffer, and its so tempting because youre pissing me off. Atleast be true to yourself.

tardlubb - alright, inside joke Im sorry

Just had a long talk with someone I really miss, think he should get his ass here now. And yeah, I know youre reading this, you tard. And share me your smokes. Dont 'Yes dear' me!

My days are filled with just beeing, existing on another level, thinking and feeling. And damn, does that feel nice. Just me, pure, 100% me. I do what I wish, I say what I want.
I've started to see people I'd never thought I'd meet again, Beccs, Josefin, its really amazing. How beautiful people change.
But I'm kinda scared, waiting for something to hit me, for something to make me sad. Know I can't see the future, but it can't be this good, I can't feel this good. But its not all me whos making this good, I have a new .. friend that is doing alot, really making me go out of my mind, making me smile all the damn time. Just wondering what rock he's been hiding under.

The apartment hunt is going quite well actually, and towards the fall I go back to the bench and even start working. These past 6 months has been a compleate mess. But next year, 2009, is going to be fucking great. Lots of fun and lots of what I want to do, and if all goes well, I might do those trips I always wanted to do, those I havnt told a soul about.
Ah we'll see, the one who lives will know.
Hf with whatever you are doing :>




oh! have to ask .. do you belive in soulmates? I'm starting to wonder.

Its over long before it ends

Update.
Um, I dont know. I'm laughing, enjoying and smiling alot.
I'm doing more, exercising like a tard and doing things I never thought I'd do :>
Thing I really miss is wow. but its soon taken care of aswell!
Well, kthxbai, Karna came now.

This one just hurts right now.

Actual physical pain.

.. maybe ok

One day at the time, just one day at the time.
I tend to fill my days with everything, so I wont have to think that much, just want to breathe right now.
But today was hard, I had planned to go spend a day at the hospital but overslept and got fucked over. So I was stuck here doing nothing, just waiting the clock out. Luckely my friends saved me from that later on, but after thinking, and thinking, for like 3 hours straight, i just felt exhausted. Logging on msn to talk to people didnt help really either.
I put a smile on my face, but im so cold inside, only my best friend see it, and she looks me straight in the eyes, right thru my soul, she understands and she doesnt do anything, she smiles and just carrys on. Exactly what I need, dont try and give me your shoulder or say it will be fine. She's just awesome right now when I feel like the earths scum.
Lots of stuff I want to write down but I'm not going to, not now atleast.
Just informing peeps that I'm alive, and ..

A moment of thinking about something else then me.

I actually cried about 1.10, compleatly insane. So beautiful.
Congrats Obama, do the change.

Dont forget me.

I don't even know where to begin, right now I feel broken and lost and stupid. Was it a impulsive move from me? Was it right? People that love me told me that it is for the best, that it was a good move from my half. But breaking up with someone that hasnt done anything wrong, and still is the one you love, after 1½ year, just seems wierd, even in my eyes. But I need this, this weekend I got so scared, I felt so lost, I need to be alone. Ive had 2 strong relationships where I adapted to what the guy liked, and for every time I did that, I lost a piece of me. My mom and my best friend keep saying that they are proud of me, but the feelings I keep feeling now are just taring me apart. I miss him so much, and I love him so much. But I think I love me more, and how am I suppost to compleatly give myself to someone, my heart, if I dont even know what it beholds. I just need a few months, I think. I just hope I'm not going to be forgotten.


Edit:
No turning back now.
Even if I wish I could.
Things hurt too much right now, I didnt just break his heart, I broke my own. What good can seriously come out of that? How stupid can one be.