Right now I feel so frustrated, so scared, so sad. I don't like being left in the dark.
I hate not knowing what's gonna happen.
Its just a game they say, but that doesn't change the hard work I put into it, the feelings, the struggle. If I lose that ...
7/11/2008
7/08/2008
I shine
When I start my day depends on if I get driven or not. Lets say I was, I get up about 7, I get ready and try really hard to keep focus and not loose that spark I need to really go out the front door. I eat my sandwitch and I drink my tea. Quite often I look upon the blessing I have, his innocence while he lies there dreaming. I kiss him gently and remind myself of why I'm doing this.
At work about 5 to 8, I bliip myself in and go towards the office I'll spend the day in. A small hello to my coworkers, start the computer, run towards the kitchen for the coffe I think I need and return to sit down. If I'm lucky they will have something to do for me instantly, if not, I sit there. 9.30 is breakfast, usually sit 30 mins even thou we shouldnt. Then its back to the desk. 11.30 is lunch and 14.00 I'm off. The day goes fast at work, and when I leave I have this good feeling about myself.
I take the 33 buss, that goes all the way to Värnhem. But the 33 buss goes between and around the two disctricts I grew up in. The first rounds it didnt matter, but now I start remembering along the way. Both good and both bad. I am truly one of a kind, the way the world and my experience sculpted me, is truly uniqe. I remember all the bad choices I did, all the good ones. I remember rollerscating thru the houses to get to my father. I remember the neighbors. I remember the house Q and I lived in together without even knowing. I remember the betrails, the backstabing, the rapes. I remember the boys, I remember the good grades before falling to the ground. I remember fighting for myself. I remember being naive.
Theres so much I want people to know about me, so much people dont know. But then again, what does my past do to them? I am what I am today, even if they know it or not. Just feels good being able to let everything youve been thru go.
By the time I reach Värnhem, I've exploded so much memorys into myself that is runs out. By the time I get off that buss, the first step, and Its gone. I'm new again, and not traped in the past. I look up towards where my family live, knowing nobodys there, nobodys there anymore. My leaving changed it all. Sometimes I feel so evil and so vicius for leaving them without warning, too late to go back. They know I love them, I know they love me. No distance will ever take that away.
Then I wait for either 3 or 7 to come and rescue me, take me home. When I walk thru our frontdoor, and I see Q still lying there, still innocent, still so beautiful, I shine.
I know that what I do is worth it. I know that I am truly good. And now I understand true happiness, even when in misery.
I needed to write that.
Some other news, my wowaccount was hacked.
Yes, it was some punkassbitchfucktardidiot chinese farmer who hacked both mine and Qerubs account. My hunter, priest, bank, guildbank was compleatly striped. My priests pve gear, BT and from everywhere, was disenchanted (since I'm a enchanted woho -.-) Guess if I was happy getting to find out I couldnt logg in and for some reason I was ready on. I got so angry, and so sad it kinda scared me. Does this game mean so much to me?
After I looked at my damagecontroll, Q desided to look at his. And Q has a paladin he's played for 3 years, there more than gear in that, its memorys. I feelt bad for him. He had 4-5 lvl 70s with good gear, that was compleatly striped.
After that, this computer and Qs computer have never had that many protective software.
Other news. The other day was the first time I killed Illiden, that was fun. It was too easy thou, and got a little boring at the end. But it was fun. I've joined one of the top 4 alliance pveguilds on jaedenar. Me, Qerub and Idioteque, q joined with his druid thou. Its fun and I love pveing with them. And thats whats important. The guild is really fun aswell, they all tend to look after me, but since I'm one of the few girls in the guild I get to take a punch or two aswell.
Thats it for today.
Oh wait! Q and I got that TV large thing, and I love Jerry Springer. It kicks ass.
Eudai
At work about 5 to 8, I bliip myself in and go towards the office I'll spend the day in. A small hello to my coworkers, start the computer, run towards the kitchen for the coffe I think I need and return to sit down. If I'm lucky they will have something to do for me instantly, if not, I sit there. 9.30 is breakfast, usually sit 30 mins even thou we shouldnt. Then its back to the desk. 11.30 is lunch and 14.00 I'm off. The day goes fast at work, and when I leave I have this good feeling about myself.
I take the 33 buss, that goes all the way to Värnhem. But the 33 buss goes between and around the two disctricts I grew up in. The first rounds it didnt matter, but now I start remembering along the way. Both good and both bad. I am truly one of a kind, the way the world and my experience sculpted me, is truly uniqe. I remember all the bad choices I did, all the good ones. I remember rollerscating thru the houses to get to my father. I remember the neighbors. I remember the house Q and I lived in together without even knowing. I remember the betrails, the backstabing, the rapes. I remember the boys, I remember the good grades before falling to the ground. I remember fighting for myself. I remember being naive.
Theres so much I want people to know about me, so much people dont know. But then again, what does my past do to them? I am what I am today, even if they know it or not. Just feels good being able to let everything youve been thru go.
By the time I reach Värnhem, I've exploded so much memorys into myself that is runs out. By the time I get off that buss, the first step, and Its gone. I'm new again, and not traped in the past. I look up towards where my family live, knowing nobodys there, nobodys there anymore. My leaving changed it all. Sometimes I feel so evil and so vicius for leaving them without warning, too late to go back. They know I love them, I know they love me. No distance will ever take that away.
Then I wait for either 3 or 7 to come and rescue me, take me home. When I walk thru our frontdoor, and I see Q still lying there, still innocent, still so beautiful, I shine.
I know that what I do is worth it. I know that I am truly good. And now I understand true happiness, even when in misery.
I needed to write that.
Some other news, my wowaccount was hacked.
Yes, it was some punkassbitchfucktardidiot chinese farmer who hacked both mine and Qerubs account. My hunter, priest, bank, guildbank was compleatly striped. My priests pve gear, BT and from everywhere, was disenchanted (since I'm a enchanted woho -.-) Guess if I was happy getting to find out I couldnt logg in and for some reason I was ready on. I got so angry, and so sad it kinda scared me. Does this game mean so much to me?
After I looked at my damagecontroll, Q desided to look at his. And Q has a paladin he's played for 3 years, there more than gear in that, its memorys. I feelt bad for him. He had 4-5 lvl 70s with good gear, that was compleatly striped.
After that, this computer and Qs computer have never had that many protective software.
Other news. The other day was the first time I killed Illiden, that was fun. It was too easy thou, and got a little boring at the end. But it was fun. I've joined one of the top 4 alliance pveguilds on jaedenar. Me, Qerub and Idioteque, q joined with his druid thou. Its fun and I love pveing with them. And thats whats important. The guild is really fun aswell, they all tend to look after me, but since I'm one of the few girls in the guild I get to take a punch or two aswell.
Thats it for today.
Oh wait! Q and I got that TV large thing, and I love Jerry Springer. It kicks ass.
Eudai
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