Me, myself and I

I feel torn, the divine light that was there has gone away.
I thought I saw a breaf moment of good times, probably did, but now.
I feel so empty and hollow.
Really torn, confused and feeling so much.
I feel like I have no connection to the world what so ever, I'm stuck.
And I'm loosing the world I worked so hard to get.
I'm loosing quite alot right now, and its draining me.
I've taken all my belongings and left your space.
I've taken a step back to see what your next move is, and youre not making it. How am I suppost to translate that? How am I suppost to understand that? You say so much, you give me hope, and then you break me down.
I've had so much abuse in all my relationships, friends as boyfriends. Physical as mentaly. Beating after beating. To be honest, its a miracle I still have trust in people, I still feel people.
My last boyfriend, the x, who I loved over everything, I told him I would love him until I die and that will not go away. That was truly the one and only relationship I managed to break loose from, and yet, it feels. Specially since he contacts me with yet more promises, more push, I feel so strangled.
My new relationship, I manage to do what the x did to me, I strangle, I choke, and yet you stay. I give promises I intend to keep, I will not fall there, I am not that weak, I choose.
This is truly worth fighting for, he is so .. divine, so epic, so true. And yet.
I've had 3 bestfriends thru my life, 3 I've loved, 3 I did everything for. And all of them, left me. I gave my soul to them, shared, riped raw, striped myself for them. And they all threw me away. They used me and I let them, because THEY would feel better, THEY would get a better life. And they did. They are off on their path and they have found happiness.
Yet, I am still here. I know this will happen again. I give and they take.
My boyfriend is exactly the same. I'm not sure I'm happy about he also being a giver, but I guess I learn to take then, I have to, for the balance sake.
My world, as it is right now, is broken, is wrong, is depressing. Yet I've never felt so beautiful in my hole life. Myself, me, I, look really good, my appetite for pleasure has never been this hungry, not always satisfied but still.
I need change, I cant go around and be sad even if it sometimes is necessary. I need to evolve, need to change what I'm doing right now. I may need to leave this behind. To find a new start. And I wanna do it with you. Want to atleast. Never thought I would see you like I do today.
But youre far away from me, I'm far away from hope.
Thanks for my healing.
Even if I want it, I know it's impossible, I cant do it now. Responsibility, devotion, promises, they all linger in my mind.
I wish I could belive you, then I'll be alright.


Some update huh?
People that are close and yet far away, helps.
Lyff <3
Dont forget 8> egbert ^^