Right now I feel so frustrated, so scared, so sad. I don't like being left in the dark.
I hate not knowing what's gonna happen.
Its just a game they say, but that doesn't change the hard work I put into it, the feelings, the struggle. If I lose that ...
7/11/2008
7/08/2008
I shine
When I start my day depends on if I get driven or not. Lets say I was, I get up about 7, I get ready and try really hard to keep focus and not loose that spark I need to really go out the front door. I eat my sandwitch and I drink my tea. Quite often I look upon the blessing I have, his innocence while he lies there dreaming. I kiss him gently and remind myself of why I'm doing this.
At work about 5 to 8, I bliip myself in and go towards the office I'll spend the day in. A small hello to my coworkers, start the computer, run towards the kitchen for the coffe I think I need and return to sit down. If I'm lucky they will have something to do for me instantly, if not, I sit there. 9.30 is breakfast, usually sit 30 mins even thou we shouldnt. Then its back to the desk. 11.30 is lunch and 14.00 I'm off. The day goes fast at work, and when I leave I have this good feeling about myself.
I take the 33 buss, that goes all the way to Värnhem. But the 33 buss goes between and around the two disctricts I grew up in. The first rounds it didnt matter, but now I start remembering along the way. Both good and both bad. I am truly one of a kind, the way the world and my experience sculpted me, is truly uniqe. I remember all the bad choices I did, all the good ones. I remember rollerscating thru the houses to get to my father. I remember the neighbors. I remember the house Q and I lived in together without even knowing. I remember the betrails, the backstabing, the rapes. I remember the boys, I remember the good grades before falling to the ground. I remember fighting for myself. I remember being naive.
Theres so much I want people to know about me, so much people dont know. But then again, what does my past do to them? I am what I am today, even if they know it or not. Just feels good being able to let everything youve been thru go.
By the time I reach Värnhem, I've exploded so much memorys into myself that is runs out. By the time I get off that buss, the first step, and Its gone. I'm new again, and not traped in the past. I look up towards where my family live, knowing nobodys there, nobodys there anymore. My leaving changed it all. Sometimes I feel so evil and so vicius for leaving them without warning, too late to go back. They know I love them, I know they love me. No distance will ever take that away.
Then I wait for either 3 or 7 to come and rescue me, take me home. When I walk thru our frontdoor, and I see Q still lying there, still innocent, still so beautiful, I shine.
I know that what I do is worth it. I know that I am truly good. And now I understand true happiness, even when in misery.
I needed to write that.
Some other news, my wowaccount was hacked.
Yes, it was some punkassbitchfucktardidiot chinese farmer who hacked both mine and Qerubs account. My hunter, priest, bank, guildbank was compleatly striped. My priests pve gear, BT and from everywhere, was disenchanted (since I'm a enchanted woho -.-) Guess if I was happy getting to find out I couldnt logg in and for some reason I was ready on. I got so angry, and so sad it kinda scared me. Does this game mean so much to me?
After I looked at my damagecontroll, Q desided to look at his. And Q has a paladin he's played for 3 years, there more than gear in that, its memorys. I feelt bad for him. He had 4-5 lvl 70s with good gear, that was compleatly striped.
After that, this computer and Qs computer have never had that many protective software.
Other news. The other day was the first time I killed Illiden, that was fun. It was too easy thou, and got a little boring at the end. But it was fun. I've joined one of the top 4 alliance pveguilds on jaedenar. Me, Qerub and Idioteque, q joined with his druid thou. Its fun and I love pveing with them. And thats whats important. The guild is really fun aswell, they all tend to look after me, but since I'm one of the few girls in the guild I get to take a punch or two aswell.
Thats it for today.
Oh wait! Q and I got that TV large thing, and I love Jerry Springer. It kicks ass.
Eudai
At work about 5 to 8, I bliip myself in and go towards the office I'll spend the day in. A small hello to my coworkers, start the computer, run towards the kitchen for the coffe I think I need and return to sit down. If I'm lucky they will have something to do for me instantly, if not, I sit there. 9.30 is breakfast, usually sit 30 mins even thou we shouldnt. Then its back to the desk. 11.30 is lunch and 14.00 I'm off. The day goes fast at work, and when I leave I have this good feeling about myself.
I take the 33 buss, that goes all the way to Värnhem. But the 33 buss goes between and around the two disctricts I grew up in. The first rounds it didnt matter, but now I start remembering along the way. Both good and both bad. I am truly one of a kind, the way the world and my experience sculpted me, is truly uniqe. I remember all the bad choices I did, all the good ones. I remember rollerscating thru the houses to get to my father. I remember the neighbors. I remember the house Q and I lived in together without even knowing. I remember the betrails, the backstabing, the rapes. I remember the boys, I remember the good grades before falling to the ground. I remember fighting for myself. I remember being naive.
Theres so much I want people to know about me, so much people dont know. But then again, what does my past do to them? I am what I am today, even if they know it or not. Just feels good being able to let everything youve been thru go.
By the time I reach Värnhem, I've exploded so much memorys into myself that is runs out. By the time I get off that buss, the first step, and Its gone. I'm new again, and not traped in the past. I look up towards where my family live, knowing nobodys there, nobodys there anymore. My leaving changed it all. Sometimes I feel so evil and so vicius for leaving them without warning, too late to go back. They know I love them, I know they love me. No distance will ever take that away.
Then I wait for either 3 or 7 to come and rescue me, take me home. When I walk thru our frontdoor, and I see Q still lying there, still innocent, still so beautiful, I shine.
I know that what I do is worth it. I know that I am truly good. And now I understand true happiness, even when in misery.
I needed to write that.
Some other news, my wowaccount was hacked.
Yes, it was some punkassbitchfucktardidiot chinese farmer who hacked both mine and Qerubs account. My hunter, priest, bank, guildbank was compleatly striped. My priests pve gear, BT and from everywhere, was disenchanted (since I'm a enchanted woho -.-) Guess if I was happy getting to find out I couldnt logg in and for some reason I was ready on. I got so angry, and so sad it kinda scared me. Does this game mean so much to me?
After I looked at my damagecontroll, Q desided to look at his. And Q has a paladin he's played for 3 years, there more than gear in that, its memorys. I feelt bad for him. He had 4-5 lvl 70s with good gear, that was compleatly striped.
After that, this computer and Qs computer have never had that many protective software.
Other news. The other day was the first time I killed Illiden, that was fun. It was too easy thou, and got a little boring at the end. But it was fun. I've joined one of the top 4 alliance pveguilds on jaedenar. Me, Qerub and Idioteque, q joined with his druid thou. Its fun and I love pveing with them. And thats whats important. The guild is really fun aswell, they all tend to look after me, but since I'm one of the few girls in the guild I get to take a punch or two aswell.
Thats it for today.
Oh wait! Q and I got that TV large thing, and I love Jerry Springer. It kicks ass.
Eudai
6/18/2008
PHAWO
My graduation was so fun, I had a really good time, everyone was happy and I really enjoyed it. But thats reeeally over, its been alot the last couple of weeks so now I'm just gonna take it easy, game alot and cook really good food for me and Q. I'm also gonna try and get to see my friend who just came home from Mexico, but she's starting work soon aswell. I'm feeling good, calm, and just great. Season 4 starts in about a week and thats really what I'm looking forward to, Q and I are gonna pwn like noone else has pwnd before.
I keep thinking about how he feels and what he's going thru, hes lost alot recently. Lots of idiots are coming to show their true colour. There are certain rules you do not break, but suffer the consequences, thats all. I'm so angry, not for what has happend, but for Q. Well, its like my grandfather always says in his native toung thou, "The last moron isnt born yet".
And currently I'm going thru all 9 seasons of the X files, I grew up with it on the TV, but to young to truly appreciate it. Its really good, and looking forward to the movie later.
Oh well, that will do for now.
I keep thinking about how he feels and what he's going thru, hes lost alot recently. Lots of idiots are coming to show their true colour. There are certain rules you do not break, but suffer the consequences, thats all. I'm so angry, not for what has happend, but for Q. Well, its like my grandfather always says in his native toung thou, "The last moron isnt born yet".
And currently I'm going thru all 9 seasons of the X files, I grew up with it on the TV, but to young to truly appreciate it. Its really good, and looking forward to the movie later.
Oh well, that will do for now.
6/11/2008
Bah, wait, no, maybe?
So ... I got the job. Starting in 2 weeks, then my summer is over. I'm going to work 5 weeks, I'm going to work on my birthday, I'm gonna work all the weeks my mom has her vacation. Sounds like fun! I'm looking forward to it.
I'm so good, I'm so insanly good, I amaze myself sometimes, I'm one of the best.
Todays gonna be a bitch ..
bah, mom just called, she needs me. Have to write later, this studentparty isnt gonna fix itself you know. A slight sigh on this day. Qerub lies totaly innocent behind me, I just wanna crawl next to him, and lie there. He's so good. And lots of cheese ontop.
I'm so good, I'm so insanly good, I amaze myself sometimes, I'm one of the best.
Todays gonna be a bitch ..
bah, mom just called, she needs me. Have to write later, this studentparty isnt gonna fix itself you know. A slight sigh on this day. Qerub lies totaly innocent behind me, I just wanna crawl next to him, and lie there. He's so good. And lots of cheese ontop.
5/28/2008
Desitions
The interview today went great, the woman whos gonna be my contact is so cool and so great. She funny, positive and friendly, had the right attitude and gave me hope. The actual interview was awesome, I totaly kicked ass with my resume and she got blown away. After 20 mins she said I was a sure thing on sending to the client. So next week, I'm gonna meet the company I'll be working for. Its a summer thing, 5 weeks, 8-12, so its alright. Its kinda outside Malmoe so its gonna take me a while to get there, not sure the work is something for me but we'll see after next week when I've met them and seen the place.
Even if I dont go for this job, the woman said she could find me something else because of my resume and my skills was wanted. To hear that I'm wanted is so awesome, I wont be working a lameass job because I need the money, I will get experience where I need it and do what I wish to do. Somewhere along this road, I made a hell of a good desition!
Even if I dont go for this job, the woman said she could find me something else because of my resume and my skills was wanted. To hear that I'm wanted is so awesome, I wont be working a lameass job because I need the money, I will get experience where I need it and do what I wish to do. Somewhere along this road, I made a hell of a good desition!
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