The interview today went great, the woman whos gonna be my contact is so cool and so great. She funny, positive and friendly, had the right attitude and gave me hope. The actual interview was awesome, I totaly kicked ass with my resume and she got blown away. After 20 mins she said I was a sure thing on sending to the client. So next week, I'm gonna meet the company I'll be working for. Its a summer thing, 5 weeks, 8-12, so its alright. Its kinda outside Malmoe so its gonna take me a while to get there, not sure the work is something for me but we'll see after next week when I've met them and seen the place.
Even if I dont go for this job, the woman said she could find me something else because of my resume and my skills was wanted. To hear that I'm wanted is so awesome, I wont be working a lameass job because I need the money, I will get experience where I need it and do what I wish to do. Somewhere along this road, I made a hell of a good desition!
5/28/2008
5/25/2008
Sooo..
So..
The Phone House was fun to some point, the people that worked there was not my kind of people, but really, that shouldnt matter. The money was good, the work was too easy. For me to feel that I'm doing good, to make a good job, I need a challenge. I did not get that from TPH, so, luckely for me, a woman called me last friday night, and she wanted to talk to me about another job. It feels amazing and so encouraging to know that you are wanted on the market. This job is a hole new direction, still amongs economics, sell and business, all the stuff I want to do for the rest of my life. I've really found my way when it comes to work, its a relief not knowing youre one of those youngsters going on for years not really knowing what they want.
I do not go to school and I havnt been for some time now, I dont really feel bad about it since I know I wont be going out with total failure. I know it can all be fixed if I choose to go back to school. Everyone keeps telling me I'm gonna have a hard time doing that when I've gotten the taste for money. Well, first off, dont think I'm like everyone else, since I'm so clearly not.
The graduation, 12e june, if youre reading my blog it means you care, and if you care, you are granted the permission to come and see my graduation. It's gonna be fun, it's the last thing I'm doing at that school, and by the gods I'm gonna be stunning. Then off to a nice dinner with family, well, its as nice as it can be. My family is special, love them for it.
Q and I are kinda living together, been for some time now. But the recent too weeks we've had another one in this apartment. My beloved Pricken. He's been so cute and so adorable it has brought light in. That cat makes me so happy.
And Q and I are going strong. Yesterday I got to hear for the first time that I was loved from him. Love, that word, its so scary yet magnificent at the same time. Fool as I am, I didnt return the words until a few hours later, scared as I was. I've never heard it and belived it before.
My x didnt love me, he loved everything I did for him, he loved the situations, the company, the desitions. But when I head it from Q it was a hole new experience.
I do not love easily, but by far, he is the man who has done everything to keep me happy, he have had to put up with alot of crap from my part, and with that fact in it all, I really admire him for beeing as strong as he is.
I admire him for being who he is, for doing what he wants, for trying to achive his goals, he is truly a amazing man, and he is mine.
My family is doing great, I'm so proud of them. My mom is working her ass off asusual, nothing really new there. I look up to her very much for being so persistent, amazing watching someone do exactly what they want, the happiness.
My father is also happy, he has fallen inlove with his new job, you can tell. He really gives it his all and puts love into it. Too bad he has serious backproblems right now, he's lying in bed wishing to go to work, never seen that either tbh.
My babybrother is so strong right now, I look up to him aswell, he is the man who will change lives. His brave heart, his good will, he has taken a hole lot of beating because of it but his strength, his courage, its so truly pure. To mean well to everyone he meets, its so unique.
My family is strong, but we can be weak with each other, we are a unit of different opinions, different wills, and yet we keep together.
Wouldnt trade away them for anything in the world.
Eudai
The Phone House was fun to some point, the people that worked there was not my kind of people, but really, that shouldnt matter. The money was good, the work was too easy. For me to feel that I'm doing good, to make a good job, I need a challenge. I did not get that from TPH, so, luckely for me, a woman called me last friday night, and she wanted to talk to me about another job. It feels amazing and so encouraging to know that you are wanted on the market. This job is a hole new direction, still amongs economics, sell and business, all the stuff I want to do for the rest of my life. I've really found my way when it comes to work, its a relief not knowing youre one of those youngsters going on for years not really knowing what they want.
I do not go to school and I havnt been for some time now, I dont really feel bad about it since I know I wont be going out with total failure. I know it can all be fixed if I choose to go back to school. Everyone keeps telling me I'm gonna have a hard time doing that when I've gotten the taste for money. Well, first off, dont think I'm like everyone else, since I'm so clearly not.
The graduation, 12e june, if youre reading my blog it means you care, and if you care, you are granted the permission to come and see my graduation. It's gonna be fun, it's the last thing I'm doing at that school, and by the gods I'm gonna be stunning. Then off to a nice dinner with family, well, its as nice as it can be. My family is special, love them for it.
Q and I are kinda living together, been for some time now. But the recent too weeks we've had another one in this apartment. My beloved Pricken. He's been so cute and so adorable it has brought light in. That cat makes me so happy.
And Q and I are going strong. Yesterday I got to hear for the first time that I was loved from him. Love, that word, its so scary yet magnificent at the same time. Fool as I am, I didnt return the words until a few hours later, scared as I was. I've never heard it and belived it before.
My x didnt love me, he loved everything I did for him, he loved the situations, the company, the desitions. But when I head it from Q it was a hole new experience.
I do not love easily, but by far, he is the man who has done everything to keep me happy, he have had to put up with alot of crap from my part, and with that fact in it all, I really admire him for beeing as strong as he is.
I admire him for being who he is, for doing what he wants, for trying to achive his goals, he is truly a amazing man, and he is mine.
My family is doing great, I'm so proud of them. My mom is working her ass off asusual, nothing really new there. I look up to her very much for being so persistent, amazing watching someone do exactly what they want, the happiness.
My father is also happy, he has fallen inlove with his new job, you can tell. He really gives it his all and puts love into it. Too bad he has serious backproblems right now, he's lying in bed wishing to go to work, never seen that either tbh.
My babybrother is so strong right now, I look up to him aswell, he is the man who will change lives. His brave heart, his good will, he has taken a hole lot of beating because of it but his strength, his courage, its so truly pure. To mean well to everyone he meets, its so unique.
My family is strong, but we can be weak with each other, we are a unit of different opinions, different wills, and yet we keep together.
Wouldnt trade away them for anything in the world.
Eudai
4/23/2008
How wonderful life is, now that your in my world
If you want me in a complete love-mode just put on Moulin Rouge, I'll vanish tbh. I'm up alone and having that amazing movie on Qs computer while grinding. I just get so mesmerized, I get this huge feeling inside my chest, my body loves this movie. And Ewan McGregor singing is always a given plus, Nicole for that matter aswell. This movie is so charming and fun.
I've gotten a job, it wasnt as hard as I thought. It's insanly good money and I'm really looking forward to it. I now work at The Phone House :)
And I've come to realize I've never liked a boy as much as I do with you.
Eudai
I've gotten a job, it wasnt as hard as I thought. It's insanly good money and I'm really looking forward to it. I now work at The Phone House :)
And I've come to realize I've never liked a boy as much as I do with you.
Eudai
4/10/2008
Eudai
"Your not the one to blame, I'm the one that pushed you away.."
Right now, I'm feeling so wierd, it feels like I'm fooling myself. I'm having this amazing time with my boyfriend, I'm so happy, yet when i think of what awaits me I turn sad. I know I can do this, 10 weeks, thats it, then I'm free. I'm gonna start working again.
I just .. just cant handle more of this. It was too much, and there are stuff I want more right now than school. I dont want to go down again, dont want to get depressed again, it took too much energy from me, from Q. Whats growling inside of me is that everyone was SO proud of that I was the only one in the family, hole family, the only grandchild that would go to Collage. And now, it feels like I've let them down. And that kinda hurts.
Right now, I'm feeling so wierd, it feels like I'm fooling myself. I'm having this amazing time with my boyfriend, I'm so happy, yet when i think of what awaits me I turn sad. I know I can do this, 10 weeks, thats it, then I'm free. I'm gonna start working again.
I just .. just cant handle more of this. It was too much, and there are stuff I want more right now than school. I dont want to go down again, dont want to get depressed again, it took too much energy from me, from Q. Whats growling inside of me is that everyone was SO proud of that I was the only one in the family, hole family, the only grandchild that would go to Collage. And now, it feels like I've let them down. And that kinda hurts.
3/30/2008
Me, myself and I
I feel torn, the divine light that was there has gone away.
I thought I saw a breaf moment of good times, probably did, but now.
I feel so empty and hollow.
Really torn, confused and feeling so much.
I feel like I have no connection to the world what so ever, I'm stuck.
And I'm loosing the world I worked so hard to get.
I'm loosing quite alot right now, and its draining me.
I've taken all my belongings and left your space.
I've taken a step back to see what your next move is, and youre not making it. How am I suppost to translate that? How am I suppost to understand that? You say so much, you give me hope, and then you break me down.
I've had so much abuse in all my relationships, friends as boyfriends. Physical as mentaly. Beating after beating. To be honest, its a miracle I still have trust in people, I still feel people.
My last boyfriend, the x, who I loved over everything, I told him I would love him until I die and that will not go away. That was truly the one and only relationship I managed to break loose from, and yet, it feels. Specially since he contacts me with yet more promises, more push, I feel so strangled.
My new relationship, I manage to do what the x did to me, I strangle, I choke, and yet you stay. I give promises I intend to keep, I will not fall there, I am not that weak, I choose.
This is truly worth fighting for, he is so .. divine, so epic, so true. And yet.
I've had 3 bestfriends thru my life, 3 I've loved, 3 I did everything for. And all of them, left me. I gave my soul to them, shared, riped raw, striped myself for them. And they all threw me away. They used me and I let them, because THEY would feel better, THEY would get a better life. And they did. They are off on their path and they have found happiness.
Yet, I am still here. I know this will happen again. I give and they take.
My boyfriend is exactly the same. I'm not sure I'm happy about he also being a giver, but I guess I learn to take then, I have to, for the balance sake.
My world, as it is right now, is broken, is wrong, is depressing. Yet I've never felt so beautiful in my hole life. Myself, me, I, look really good, my appetite for pleasure has never been this hungry, not always satisfied but still.
I need change, I cant go around and be sad even if it sometimes is necessary. I need to evolve, need to change what I'm doing right now. I may need to leave this behind. To find a new start. And I wanna do it with you. Want to atleast. Never thought I would see you like I do today.
But youre far away from me, I'm far away from hope.
Thanks for my healing.
Even if I want it, I know it's impossible, I cant do it now. Responsibility, devotion, promises, they all linger in my mind.
I wish I could belive you, then I'll be alright.
Some update huh?
People that are close and yet far away, helps.
Lyff <3
Dont forget 8> egbert ^^
I thought I saw a breaf moment of good times, probably did, but now.
I feel so empty and hollow.
Really torn, confused and feeling so much.
I feel like I have no connection to the world what so ever, I'm stuck.
And I'm loosing the world I worked so hard to get.
I'm loosing quite alot right now, and its draining me.
I've taken all my belongings and left your space.
I've taken a step back to see what your next move is, and youre not making it. How am I suppost to translate that? How am I suppost to understand that? You say so much, you give me hope, and then you break me down.
I've had so much abuse in all my relationships, friends as boyfriends. Physical as mentaly. Beating after beating. To be honest, its a miracle I still have trust in people, I still feel people.
My last boyfriend, the x, who I loved over everything, I told him I would love him until I die and that will not go away. That was truly the one and only relationship I managed to break loose from, and yet, it feels. Specially since he contacts me with yet more promises, more push, I feel so strangled.
My new relationship, I manage to do what the x did to me, I strangle, I choke, and yet you stay. I give promises I intend to keep, I will not fall there, I am not that weak, I choose.
This is truly worth fighting for, he is so .. divine, so epic, so true. And yet.
I've had 3 bestfriends thru my life, 3 I've loved, 3 I did everything for. And all of them, left me. I gave my soul to them, shared, riped raw, striped myself for them. And they all threw me away. They used me and I let them, because THEY would feel better, THEY would get a better life. And they did. They are off on their path and they have found happiness.
Yet, I am still here. I know this will happen again. I give and they take.
My boyfriend is exactly the same. I'm not sure I'm happy about he also being a giver, but I guess I learn to take then, I have to, for the balance sake.
My world, as it is right now, is broken, is wrong, is depressing. Yet I've never felt so beautiful in my hole life. Myself, me, I, look really good, my appetite for pleasure has never been this hungry, not always satisfied but still.
I need change, I cant go around and be sad even if it sometimes is necessary. I need to evolve, need to change what I'm doing right now. I may need to leave this behind. To find a new start. And I wanna do it with you. Want to atleast. Never thought I would see you like I do today.
But youre far away from me, I'm far away from hope.
Thanks for my healing.
Even if I want it, I know it's impossible, I cant do it now. Responsibility, devotion, promises, they all linger in my mind.
I wish I could belive you, then I'll be alright.
Some update huh?
People that are close and yet far away, helps.
Lyff <3
Dont forget 8> egbert ^^
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