I can feel it creeping up on me again, the stress, the constant battle.
For about 1½ years I was on a break, and now that I'm back in the game I can't say I feel stronger or more confident. After the libaration I went beserc, with money, desitions, myself, I made some bad calls. Now, when I grasp upon what I have in my lap and on the road ahead, I feel the same stress and pressure I felt 2 years ago.
The bad calls I made involved mostly money, I've been broke before, but now that I have a steady income every month, it hurts throwing away money on shit I bought. I'm going to try and fix it, but it's not going to be easy.
Luckily, I have a boyfriend which I have a strong relationship with, that has on so little time already been thru so much, he stood by me when I went beserc. Don't even know how to explain the beserc part, but many, many bad choices, that hurted alot of people. And now we are actually, even gone that far to looking at apartments together, for once I'm not a bystander, I have a say in everything.
I have a good friend, that's much like me, that slows me down when I rush, that put's me on the ground with my own two feet. That helps me relax, be myself, have fun and just go with the flow.
I have a solid family, that helps me thru the worst of times, everyone knows how I feel towards my family, the strong bond that never breaks even If they piss me off sometimes.
I still miss alot of the chill, but this have made me appreciate chilltime so much more, a hot bath or a good cup of thé and a good movie, oh dear god give me friday now!
3/24/2009
3/15/2009
Blahflagh
Seriously, this is insane.
That man can't expect me to walk around high as a kite everyday,
I'm a walking haze, and the stuff don't even work that well.
Tomorrows going to be fun atleast!
Going with my mom to Denmark for her big, kickass jobinterview. I'm glad to be her support even if it means waiting for her for hours, think I'm going to bring with me my computer just for the heck of it, either that or a book, or both.
Life goes on. Nothing stands in my way really and it feels good actually. Feels like my plan is going to work out just fine. Tomorrow starts the application day for collage and have a few options in my mind, but I really want to stay in Malmö for now and go the programe I have in mind.
My zeitgeistmission is still at bay, I'm working on it.
Still gonna kickass, so excited I'm bursting with ideas.
5 min talk just isnt enought for what I want to say.
Oh, and Hi Johanna!
Start writting a blogg slacker!
<3
That man can't expect me to walk around high as a kite everyday,
I'm a walking haze, and the stuff don't even work that well.
Tomorrows going to be fun atleast!
Going with my mom to Denmark for her big, kickass jobinterview. I'm glad to be her support even if it means waiting for her for hours, think I'm going to bring with me my computer just for the heck of it, either that or a book, or both.
Life goes on. Nothing stands in my way really and it feels good actually. Feels like my plan is going to work out just fine. Tomorrow starts the application day for collage and have a few options in my mind, but I really want to stay in Malmö for now and go the programe I have in mind.
My zeitgeistmission is still at bay, I'm working on it.
Still gonna kickass, so excited I'm bursting with ideas.
5 min talk just isnt enought for what I want to say.
Oh, and Hi Johanna!
Start writting a blogg slacker!
<3
3/11/2009
Eh eh
I'm going to need surgery,
and untill that day comes,
he got me on morfin for the pain.
I'm fucking out of reach.
and untill that day comes,
he got me on morfin for the pain.
I'm fucking out of reach.
3/10/2009
Letting go maybe?
2009 turns out to be quite .. odd. Atleast the start.
As always I tend to think back to the past, about people that come and go. Going thru facebook, seeing old friends, really old friends, and people that dont even want to be friends on facebook for what happend in the past.
Recently it's been about a certain someone that I miss, and yet dont miss.
I kinda wrote a list in my head, and the stuff I miss is like the incredible sex, listening to you talk, seeing you grow. I miss the kittens, no one gets it when I say the Lycans should be small kittens instead, no one see's what we saw. I really miss the kittens. I don't miss the rush, the feeling of being alone, the hunt for love and a thank you, beeing portrayed as a ideal couple, the pressure of meeting up to you, the unknown future and not knowing what you wanted. And you ware always right, I hated it. But you ware so smart and when you shined, you truly shined. I miss being the one you told everything to, I dont miss feeling like you never spoke to me. Overall I appreciate the fact that I can say that I once knew you. Even if you wont give me my stuff and pictures back, kinda pisses me.
And I was'nt broken when I started the journey with you, I got broken in the mean time, not because of you thou.
I got something good now, dont know where it's going, but I have total freedome to do what I wish, he shows me love and devotion, he fights with me, he let's me know he see's the hard work I'm doing. And lord knows I'm fucking pushing limits right now, I'm so afraid to get burned out again but that's another story. I've never seen or felt the amount of efford of making sure and truly busting their ass to make another human beeing feel good, feel apreciated and feel love.
But everyone got their downs, things I rather not see. As you go thru the process of getting to know a person, when the high is over, and you see the person, what do you see?
As a finisher for what's been said, can't change the past.
As known, I go to school this semester, a highschool thing before the university, and I study a various things, amongs those things I have the honour of studying Rhetoric and it's the art of speeking, what Obama rocks at.
And in this class we are suppost to write three speeches, one emotional, one informative and last a argumental. The emotional was done a couple weeks ago, I wrote about the day I found out I had diabetes, almost stood there and cried infront of 15 people.
The next one is the informative one, and I got such a good plan, I hope everyone that reads this has seen Zeitgeist, I know I have, like 10 times. And what this movie informs it's viewers is what I'm going to inform my class. It's going to be so kickass.
Right now I'm going to continue doing my Biology, just waiting out the time until the clock is 15.15, then comes the verdict on what's going to happen to my wrist, if I need surgery or not.
I just don't want the pain anymore.
Wish me luck, and think of me then.
As always I tend to think back to the past, about people that come and go. Going thru facebook, seeing old friends, really old friends, and people that dont even want to be friends on facebook for what happend in the past.
Recently it's been about a certain someone that I miss, and yet dont miss.
I kinda wrote a list in my head, and the stuff I miss is like the incredible sex, listening to you talk, seeing you grow. I miss the kittens, no one gets it when I say the Lycans should be small kittens instead, no one see's what we saw. I really miss the kittens. I don't miss the rush, the feeling of being alone, the hunt for love and a thank you, beeing portrayed as a ideal couple, the pressure of meeting up to you, the unknown future and not knowing what you wanted. And you ware always right, I hated it. But you ware so smart and when you shined, you truly shined. I miss being the one you told everything to, I dont miss feeling like you never spoke to me. Overall I appreciate the fact that I can say that I once knew you. Even if you wont give me my stuff and pictures back, kinda pisses me.
And I was'nt broken when I started the journey with you, I got broken in the mean time, not because of you thou.
I got something good now, dont know where it's going, but I have total freedome to do what I wish, he shows me love and devotion, he fights with me, he let's me know he see's the hard work I'm doing. And lord knows I'm fucking pushing limits right now, I'm so afraid to get burned out again but that's another story. I've never seen or felt the amount of efford of making sure and truly busting their ass to make another human beeing feel good, feel apreciated and feel love.
But everyone got their downs, things I rather not see. As you go thru the process of getting to know a person, when the high is over, and you see the person, what do you see?
As a finisher for what's been said, can't change the past.
As known, I go to school this semester, a highschool thing before the university, and I study a various things, amongs those things I have the honour of studying Rhetoric and it's the art of speeking, what Obama rocks at.
And in this class we are suppost to write three speeches, one emotional, one informative and last a argumental. The emotional was done a couple weeks ago, I wrote about the day I found out I had diabetes, almost stood there and cried infront of 15 people.
The next one is the informative one, and I got such a good plan, I hope everyone that reads this has seen Zeitgeist, I know I have, like 10 times. And what this movie informs it's viewers is what I'm going to inform my class. It's going to be so kickass.
Right now I'm going to continue doing my Biology, just waiting out the time until the clock is 15.15, then comes the verdict on what's going to happen to my wrist, if I need surgery or not.
I just don't want the pain anymore.
Wish me luck, and think of me then.
2/01/2009
It's been a while
My dad asked me the other day if I'd ever heard about Obama before he started to run for president, and I replyed that I had'nt really done that. Then he explained to me that he had heard a interesting theory about just why a black president came right out of the blue.
We discussed USA position finacialy, politicly, yeah well, in every angle there was (we had at it for hours), and the headline became "A fucked country, oh dear god, may somebody please have mercy". The theory he had heard was about how Obama was put there to ease the worried people, to give the united states of america something else to think about beside how shitty they have it. Even thou Obama did the speeches about his past, the interviews, you havent really heard anything about him.
It's a interesting theory. Not necessery agreeing with him, just a interesting discussion between a father and daughter.
hehey! I bought myself a laptop, had to work my ass for it, but its mine and i deserve it. Its a hp, its got exactly what I need for school and the near universitystudies. Soo, just wanted to mention that.
hehey! I have for the first time in my life broken a bone. It was a stupid thing of me and now I feel the punishment for it because it hurts more than you could imagen. Me and my boyfriend had a überlovecuddly-weekend in copenhagen and we found this irishpub with loads of good and fun people ... and loads of beer. Well, anyhow, walking home, over the street and I just fall. Straight forward hitting the ground with my hands and knees. So now, I have a skyblue ( yeey, himmelsblå, faithful to my football team) plaster over my right arm and purple knees. Besides that it was a wonderful weekend.
Besides that and everything, lifes good, very emotional and adventures.
Prickens doing fine, a tad to crazy atm, mewing to everything and nothing, but you can never find a better kittn then that.
Feel like I should write a 20 page update on everything, I have so many ideas,
"and such sights to show you..."
We discussed USA position finacialy, politicly, yeah well, in every angle there was (we had at it for hours), and the headline became "A fucked country, oh dear god, may somebody please have mercy". The theory he had heard was about how Obama was put there to ease the worried people, to give the united states of america something else to think about beside how shitty they have it. Even thou Obama did the speeches about his past, the interviews, you havent really heard anything about him.
It's a interesting theory. Not necessery agreeing with him, just a interesting discussion between a father and daughter.
hehey! I bought myself a laptop, had to work my ass for it, but its mine and i deserve it. Its a hp, its got exactly what I need for school and the near universitystudies. Soo, just wanted to mention that.
hehey! I have for the first time in my life broken a bone. It was a stupid thing of me and now I feel the punishment for it because it hurts more than you could imagen. Me and my boyfriend had a überlovecuddly-weekend in copenhagen and we found this irishpub with loads of good and fun people ... and loads of beer. Well, anyhow, walking home, over the street and I just fall. Straight forward hitting the ground with my hands and knees. So now, I have a skyblue ( yeey, himmelsblå, faithful to my football team) plaster over my right arm and purple knees. Besides that it was a wonderful weekend.
Besides that and everything, lifes good, very emotional and adventures.
Prickens doing fine, a tad to crazy atm, mewing to everything and nothing, but you can never find a better kittn then that.
Feel like I should write a 20 page update on everything, I have so many ideas,
"and such sights to show you..."
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