I haven't slept in centuries

so long my misery
I don't need you
you've only caused me grief
forgive me if I fall asleep
I haven't slept in centuries

put me on a boat
leave my inhibitions at bay
my mind is spilling
but I haven't much to say
I was running through the canyons
pulse the echoes of your name
you were laughing at me like
the sun laughs at a flame
put me on a page in a book of beginnings
let me scroll me through old volumes of ancient teachings
let me reveal in all of these forgotten feelings
lay me with the wretched in the arms of my king

A little too much truth and a sip of enlightment

Its like this.
I drive, I drive a long way, a long and hard way, and I see a tiny wall coming towards me, the wall grows bigger, and bigger, until fuckingBAM, and I hit it.
Even thou I've seen the wall miles away, I still hit it. People get hurt, unnecessary things are said, emotion runs over and logic just left the building.
I do this because .. I got no fucking idea. Maybe I seek excitement, to see if the person is really there, if he/she cares still. And maybe I'm just fucking out of my mind, do it because it lacks logic.
But lets take a second, why would someone start something completely without logic, without sense? To release emotion? To make the other person get x emotion? To feel alive? Maybe all of it? Wish people came with a manual. And a map.
I always tend to hit the walls, and instead of taking the car to the shop, I backup the car, maybe hit the wall once or twice again, and then turn around and go back. (I'm sorry to intervene but this is the fucking greatest example I've ever given, and I don't give alot.) Instead of going around the bloody wall.
As said, maybe I do it to see if I'm alive. I'm in a very strange place in life, which involves no money, lots of alcohol, lots of cigarettes, less time with Q, less time with my family and sleep. Yet I feel tired in my head for running around with different thoughts, no wonder things feel strange.
People are so surprised when I say I'm tired, they don't get that a unemployed, 19 year old girl gets tired, seriously how can they not? I'm fucking unemployed, broke! That should be the most stressful, tiredest time! It eats me and I can't do anything to speed up the process.
I'm tired of the drinking, I want a change in some things. Some things I really want to stay with me. Like Q. He's probably the one thing right now that makes any form of stability, security, love for me. Everything else is just chaos. And yet, the one thing I feel the most and best for, I try and screw up. I don't make life easier. But I'm going to try, I got some words today, just about 30mins ago, that i truly heard, that I didn't understand until now, somethings that I've thought ware wrong, ware so right. How could I've gotten it so wrong? How the hell did it come to me believing in this? Life is for the explorer, to the unstoppable, to the lovers. and the ones that never give up.

I scream at puppies

I just .. don't want to tell you.

And what the headthing said.

To be continued.

Pretty please?

Weeeeell, would you look at that?

I'm so tired I could smack someone.
Last time I was up this early was .. um .. can't really remember.
And yes this is early for my body, starting to think I'd do anything for money. Well, not anything, but you know what I mean.
Survival, pff, someone come give me what I need please?

Just wanting

Out of shear boredom (serverns down) I've gone threw blogs, just to see what people really are writing about, and well, the boredom thing as well. The ones I've come across are my friends, my past, idiots, fools, dreamers and just nobody's. The ones that are fun are the ones who really write about nothing really, just blabber, thats where you can see what the person really is thinking about.
Some just link a bunch of You tube videos, yes, we have also seen them, oh really? Your linking them? I bet no one else have! You're so cool. Sigh.
And some are interesting, some write so passionate that you get touched by their words, never thought a blogg could make you shed a tear but yes, recently come across that as a truth.
Some write so wise, so good that you really think "wow, there are some brains left in the world".
Dont know what kind of a blogger I've been really, only been writing about myself, my thoughts and just, eh, foolish things really. But its helped allot, and guess thats why you write, to ease something, a emotion, a thought, anything.
I will never stop writing, and even if I don't write here as passionate as a dailyblogger, I have paper everywhere, I have thoughts that hasn't been completed yet.
I've written since I was a child, back then it was story's, my imagination ran wild, so much things that could happen! Kept some of it, even wrote some in English (I was a brainy child), noones ever seen them, doubt I will show them.
I've always taken pieces of a text, lyric, poem that I've liked and saved them. Always have and always will. Words that are like jumper cables to my brain, just love them.
As a child, when everyone else wanted to be a cop, or a doctor or something impressive, I wanted to be a writer.
I've always thought that you constantly evolve, mature, change, I still believe that. But as I sit here writing this I feel something I've felt before, something that's always been there. My love for writing will never fade, will never go away.
Words put together is so powerful, it creates something, something big, something that can't really be removed, think thats one of the parts of why I think its so fascinating.
The funny thing is, I wasn't really gonna write about this, don't know what I was gonna write about, but this is what has become of me just wanting to write.